Project Runway is back, and so is our confusion with the judging.

For the premier, I assembled my Secret Council of Style. As we watched the new season, we liked the new 1.5 hour format and reacted well to some of the contestants; however, once Michael Kors opened his big mouth the love fest was over.

All of the outfits should have won or lost this week, on their backs. From the front, most of the designs seemed plausible, but walking away left us shrieking in disbelief.

The Winner?

None of us hated this dress, but none of us liked it either. Ice Skater was the most obvious reference. The weird epaulets and the shear back were unattractive. The fact that this was PR’s first unanimous winner made it all the weirder.

Who Should have Won

It was “fun”, “young” and “flattering.” The front caught our eye, but the it was the back and the beaded shoulder that we thought made this the winner.

The Confusion

Why are these designers still there? If that poor McKell got kicked off “side cleavage”, Casanova gave us front, side, butt, and belly cleavage. As Jason’s stapled kimono walked out “It’s a Supercuts Smock!” cried out on of the Secret Style Council members, only to have Heidi say something similar during judging.

The best was Selma “Bi-Polar” Blare. She glared at dresses coming down the runway like the evil pre-law student from Legally Blond, then gushed over them like Ms. Hellboy. She “loved” the back of Casanova’s dress, but then “loathed” it. She said there is something “interesting” in the “drabness” of Jason’s garment. “It’s so sad, I liked it.” After her comments, she spun her head around spitting our pea soup, lite crucifix on fire with her eyes, and then spider walked down the runway.